Introducing Niels Horne, our gentlemanly correspondent and Editor of our newest section on Romance In The Dressing Room... The Boys' Club. Take note as he discusses how to dress to a T (pun intended).
Here’s the thing you need to know about me: I hate fashion. Hate it, hate it, hate it. It’s the most spiritually threatening thing North of the equator next to fluorescent lighting. But let’s be clear here: when I say I hate fashion, I’m not talking about hating looking good. No, no, I love that, and it’s fun. I’m talking about that ugly f-word that has somehow come to mean "dressing to ensure that that strangers will talk to me about issues and baseball".
My goal in this portion of the auspicious RITDR blog is to help you forget about all of these ridiculous words like "fashion" and help you become you. Maybe you won’t learn anything, or maybe some of what I’ll talk about will surprise you, or change your perspective on looks, love and life as a young urbanite. I’m going to try to spend some time talking about the spirit of style as well as the act of dressing well, so there should be something in here for everyone as I continue making contributions to this fabulous blog.
Right off the bat, don’t get all hot and bothered when you find out that Abercrombie polos are the VCRs of yesteryear (sad face), or that nobody is impressed that you’ve found a shirt which depicts a rock band that never existed or the name of a beach you haven’t been to. All I want you to do is commit a few of my little ‘tipz’ to memory so you too can save someone from Huntington Beach Syndrome.
Like jumping into a cold pool of gelatinous pudding, we’ll enter slowly, and begin by discussing T-shirts and (shudder) branding (two separate and distinct things that should never go together).
Here’s the thing: if your t-shirt costs more than $28 (note that coincidentally, all American Apparel [I’m throwing up in my mouth right now and it tastes pretty bad] shirts are at least $29) you have wasted money which could have gone towards a rice bowl and half-litre of grape juice in Kensie, or 2 t-shirts which don’t make you look and feel like a douchebag. I’m clear on how I feel about A.A., right?
More generally, a shirt does not need to give the world a redundant piece of advice (Wake up before tomorrow comes...) to live by. Nor does it need to indicate the store from which you bought it; that’s why the helpful sales associate prints off a receipt when you finish shopping.
It does not need to have fake diamonds attached to the edges of bohemian handwriting on top of hearts on top of clouds on top of a baseball bat on top of more bohemian handwriting. That’s not style - it's "fashion". "Fashion" is about figuring out how to emulate someone else’s life or an experience you haven’t had by wearing a t-shirt you secretly dislike. Style, on the other hand, has more to do with lakes, pianos and your favorite cheese.
I realize I’ve just described certain types of t-shirts I think you should never wear, and you’re probably wondering what I will recommend you do wear. Sadly, that depends on you and will vary invariably from person to person. But you can’t go wrong if you just buy what feels right and ignore that ugly f-word I keep mentioning. This advice works; you just have to start closing your eyes.
Style is so fantastic. It’s like a peanut butter sandwich with bananas. Or a tan. Style is easy to understand once you start poking around, so just start looking! Remember, it’s about rediscovering the you inside of you through experimentation. It’s playing with oil paint when you’re feeling pretty angsty, or listening to music in dark rooms. It’s learning about your ancestors, wearing jeans with cool linings that nobody can see, or doing social experiments on the bus. It’s about buying a t-shirt because the green reminds you of a song you love. It’s about loving that song more than you used to because of that t-shirt. It’s about streams of consciousness.
Style is circular, and very sharp. It’s waking up on a cloudy day and deciding to emulate David Bowie and just being totally random. And that’s my issue with baseball.
My goal in this portion of the auspicious RITDR blog is to help you forget about all of these ridiculous words like "fashion" and help you become you. Maybe you won’t learn anything, or maybe some of what I’ll talk about will surprise you, or change your perspective on looks, love and life as a young urbanite. I’m going to try to spend some time talking about the spirit of style as well as the act of dressing well, so there should be something in here for everyone as I continue making contributions to this fabulous blog.
Right off the bat, don’t get all hot and bothered when you find out that Abercrombie polos are the VCRs of yesteryear (sad face), or that nobody is impressed that you’ve found a shirt which depicts a rock band that never existed or the name of a beach you haven’t been to. All I want you to do is commit a few of my little ‘tipz’ to memory so you too can save someone from Huntington Beach Syndrome.
Like jumping into a cold pool of gelatinous pudding, we’ll enter slowly, and begin by discussing T-shirts and (shudder) branding (two separate and distinct things that should never go together).
Here’s the thing: if your t-shirt costs more than $28 (note that coincidentally, all American Apparel [I’m throwing up in my mouth right now and it tastes pretty bad] shirts are at least $29) you have wasted money which could have gone towards a rice bowl and half-litre of grape juice in Kensie, or 2 t-shirts which don’t make you look and feel like a douchebag. I’m clear on how I feel about A.A., right?
More generally, a shirt does not need to give the world a redundant piece of advice (Wake up before tomorrow comes...) to live by. Nor does it need to indicate the store from which you bought it; that’s why the helpful sales associate prints off a receipt when you finish shopping.
It does not need to have fake diamonds attached to the edges of bohemian handwriting on top of hearts on top of clouds on top of a baseball bat on top of more bohemian handwriting. That’s not style - it's "fashion". "Fashion" is about figuring out how to emulate someone else’s life or an experience you haven’t had by wearing a t-shirt you secretly dislike. Style, on the other hand, has more to do with lakes, pianos and your favorite cheese.
I realize I’ve just described certain types of t-shirts I think you should never wear, and you’re probably wondering what I will recommend you do wear. Sadly, that depends on you and will vary invariably from person to person. But you can’t go wrong if you just buy what feels right and ignore that ugly f-word I keep mentioning. This advice works; you just have to start closing your eyes.
Style is so fantastic. It’s like a peanut butter sandwich with bananas. Or a tan. Style is easy to understand once you start poking around, so just start looking! Remember, it’s about rediscovering the you inside of you through experimentation. It’s playing with oil paint when you’re feeling pretty angsty, or listening to music in dark rooms. It’s learning about your ancestors, wearing jeans with cool linings that nobody can see, or doing social experiments on the bus. It’s about buying a t-shirt because the green reminds you of a song you love. It’s about loving that song more than you used to because of that t-shirt. It’s about streams of consciousness.
Style is circular, and very sharp. It’s waking up on a cloudy day and deciding to emulate David Bowie and just being totally random. And that’s my issue with baseball.
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