Calling all classy ladies - this ain't no flip cup tournament. It's time to learn how to suavely sip - what's our poison, you ask? Why it's none other than the quintessentially chic and oft-dreaded
Dirty Martini
Three Ways to Knock One Back
Whether it's your first attempt at this beverage or you're a veteran of the craft, follow these little tricks to add a bit of flair to your bar presence. Introducing...
The Classy Lady
-
The Vixen
-
The In-Over-My-Head-Get-Me-Out-Of-This-Now
Firstly: For the Sophisticated Set
A handy style for high society bashes, moments of pure luxury or for general maintenance and upkeep of a good image. Sit with your legs crossed demurely at the ankle (as Julie Andrews/the Queen of Genovia deems a-propos. Shoulders back, head held high - cocked to one side with one eyebrow raised when questioning someone's oh-so-intriguing views/opinions/commentary. If you are in a mingling situation, maintain eye contact with your conversation partner always, but cast a downward glance when sipping so as not to come off as... crazy. Once finished your sip, pop your eyes back up, give a little (really little) raise of both eyebrows and a teensy-weensy smile. Roll the liquor around in your mouth discreetly and savour the bitterness. As for those olives, do not chomp them off the little sword, or whatever else is holding them together. Leave it in your glass. Ladies slop up every last drop. It's tacky, and an activity best conducted in the privacy of the washroom, if you absolutely must.
Secondly: The Sexy Swig
This is where the fine line between low-brow and impossibly alluring really requires a great deal of focus and attention. Because you're going to pull off some unorthodox and previously shunned tricks. And you're going to do so masterfully, with grace and dignity. We said sexy, not skanky. Hold your glass in the hand you won't be using to swish and flick about as your natter away about your posh lifestyle to whichever hunk has been lured in by your charms. If you're in a not-so-conversational situation (a show, for instance) simply narrow eyelids and cast smoky glances at your beau of choice- but keep them space few and far between, and you'll have him just starving for more. When you go for your initial sip, boldly look your man in the eye for two full seconds as you slowly raise the liquid to your lips, then lower the eyelids and glace sidewards. Damn, girl. Now we deal with the olives. When you are quite finished with your cocktail, remove the sword holding your olives captive and press one olive onto your tongue, remove quickly but not like you're panicking, chew it once, twice, three times, slowly and confidently (WITH YOUR MOUTH SHUT), swallow. You'll have the gents lining up just for the honour and privilege of watching this feat of artistry once more.
Thirdly: For The Girl Who Bit Off More Than She Could Chew
Rest assured, you are not alone. Martinis are not for the feint of heart. Relax, you'll be okay. You're not going to waste your money, you're not going to be humiliated. If you simply cannot stand it, want nothing to do with it, don't even like the idea anymore, put it down on a passing tray or a table (make sure there isn't anyone dining at that specific table, however). If you've just gotta finish it, for the status, for the image, for the sheer joy of getting through it, you're going to have to pace yourself and brace yourself. The secret lies in the olive. Something of a follow-up to the main event in the previous two methods, the olive gains guardian angel status now. Get the olive in your mouth. Discreetly, but not like you're ashamed of it. Chew once, manoeuver to nestle under your tongue. Do not converse with anyone while attempting this, merely nod and smile, nod and smile. Every time you knock back your little glass of kryptonite, chew your olive. The saltiness will interupt your mouth from any real contact it could make with the liquor. Pray you've got more than one olive to work with, but make due with what you've got if the fates have turned against you.
So next time you hit the bar, raise a glass to Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte. May the force be with you.
Whether it's your first attempt at this beverage or you're a veteran of the craft, follow these little tricks to add a bit of flair to your bar presence. Introducing...
The Classy Lady
-
The Vixen
-
The In-Over-My-Head-Get-Me-Out-Of-This-Now
Firstly: For the Sophisticated Set
A handy style for high society bashes, moments of pure luxury or for general maintenance and upkeep of a good image. Sit with your legs crossed demurely at the ankle (as Julie Andrews/the Queen of Genovia deems a-propos. Shoulders back, head held high - cocked to one side with one eyebrow raised when questioning someone's oh-so-intriguing views/opinions/commentary. If you are in a mingling situation, maintain eye contact with your conversation partner always, but cast a downward glance when sipping so as not to come off as... crazy. Once finished your sip, pop your eyes back up, give a little (really little) raise of both eyebrows and a teensy-weensy smile. Roll the liquor around in your mouth discreetly and savour the bitterness. As for those olives, do not chomp them off the little sword, or whatever else is holding them together. Leave it in your glass. Ladies slop up every last drop. It's tacky, and an activity best conducted in the privacy of the washroom, if you absolutely must.
Secondly: The Sexy Swig
This is where the fine line between low-brow and impossibly alluring really requires a great deal of focus and attention. Because you're going to pull off some unorthodox and previously shunned tricks. And you're going to do so masterfully, with grace and dignity. We said sexy, not skanky. Hold your glass in the hand you won't be using to swish and flick about as your natter away about your posh lifestyle to whichever hunk has been lured in by your charms. If you're in a not-so-conversational situation (a show, for instance) simply narrow eyelids and cast smoky glances at your beau of choice- but keep them space few and far between, and you'll have him just starving for more. When you go for your initial sip, boldly look your man in the eye for two full seconds as you slowly raise the liquid to your lips, then lower the eyelids and glace sidewards. Damn, girl. Now we deal with the olives. When you are quite finished with your cocktail, remove the sword holding your olives captive and press one olive onto your tongue, remove quickly but not like you're panicking, chew it once, twice, three times, slowly and confidently (WITH YOUR MOUTH SHUT), swallow. You'll have the gents lining up just for the honour and privilege of watching this feat of artistry once more.
Thirdly: For The Girl Who Bit Off More Than She Could Chew
Rest assured, you are not alone. Martinis are not for the feint of heart. Relax, you'll be okay. You're not going to waste your money, you're not going to be humiliated. If you simply cannot stand it, want nothing to do with it, don't even like the idea anymore, put it down on a passing tray or a table (make sure there isn't anyone dining at that specific table, however). If you've just gotta finish it, for the status, for the image, for the sheer joy of getting through it, you're going to have to pace yourself and brace yourself. The secret lies in the olive. Something of a follow-up to the main event in the previous two methods, the olive gains guardian angel status now. Get the olive in your mouth. Discreetly, but not like you're ashamed of it. Chew once, manoeuver to nestle under your tongue. Do not converse with anyone while attempting this, merely nod and smile, nod and smile. Every time you knock back your little glass of kryptonite, chew your olive. The saltiness will interupt your mouth from any real contact it could make with the liquor. Pray you've got more than one olive to work with, but make due with what you've got if the fates have turned against you.
So next time you hit the bar, raise a glass to Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte. May the force be with you.
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